First of all, I want to tell you: I know the feeling...
There are all these kinds of feelings we can have towards someone.
Like lust, infatuation, desire, obsession, etc. Sometimes we equate these feelings with the word love.
But they are not love.
Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not frustration. Love is a healing emotion, a positive emotion. And love is selfless.
When you feel those emotions that you equate with love, what you are actually looking for is for that person to fill an emotional hole in you. You idealize them and imagine they would give you this fulfillment. It is at the essence a selfish emotion. So if you love someone and that person does not love you back and that hurts you and you feel somehow betrayed or let down, maybe by that person, or maybe by the universe, it is like an error message that pops up on your computer, informing you something is wrong.
You need to find the source of the error. You need to see, what is it that makes me want this person so much?! And why doesn’t this person respond? And most probably the answer is because your love is all about you, not about that person.
So If you love somebody, basically you don’t really care if they love you back. You love them on some deep human level. And so love is not self centered. Love is outwardly, it radiates outside towards that person.
In that sense, someone who is at the receiving end of this true love, the pure unselfish love. So at the end of the day, unrequited love and its associated pain is not about that person. The sooner you accept this and realize it, the sooner you can begin your journey into self discovery and understanding where this is coming from. And then you will find yourself not falling into these traps of painful fake love.
From the experience of my life, I want to suggest something to you.
1. Ask him/her
If you are not sure whether the other person loves you or not. Then just inform him/her about your love and ask him whether he/she likes you or not.
2. When he/she does not feel the same
If you know that the other person does not love you then either you can wait for sometime hoping that he/she may begin to love you in future or you can stop wasting your time on him.
3. Just be normal
If you think you can wait for him. Then you need to be careful in this regard. Don't do anything extra for that person to impress him. Don't do extra care for him. Just be normal. Because when you do all this then whether his/her heart changes or not your attraction towards him/her will keep increasing. You may also get completely obsessed with that person and that is very dangerous. Certainly there are persons who can love his beloved unconditionally, serve him/her, care for him/her irrespective of the fact that his /her beloved loves him /her not. If you think you are like that person then you can do all these things but if you are not then better be alert and avoid any further attraction to him/her because it may lead to madness just like what happened to me.
4. Let Go and Move On
And if you know that the other person loves somebody else. Then I would suggest you to go away from his/her life. Keep that much interaction only what is necessary. Don't spend much time with that person.
And if you already are in deep love for him/her that you started feeling life is void without that person. Your mind is constantly thinking about that person, you feel you can not live without him/her.
Do thoughts like “I can’t be without him/her” or “I’ll never find someone else like him/her” constantly run through your mind? Understand that these are not facts – they are limiting beliefs, and while beliefs have the power to create your world, you have the power to transform them. Replace them with empowering beliefs like, “I am open to what the universe has in store for me” and “I love myself and deserve the best.” You may feel silly at first, but when you use these positive incantations as part of your daily routine, you will see results.
If possible go to different place and don't make any contact with that person. With the passage of time your obsession for that person will go away just like what happened to me.
This is what I think you should do. Every body's mind is different so what happened to me may not be applicable for others. But if it is then you can follow what I suggested.
Remember that refusing to let go will not bring someone you care about back. Continuing to hold on only hurts your emotional and physical state, keeping you from fully enjoying life. Embrace living in the moment and understand that uncertainty can be beautiful if you look at it from the right perspective.
The key to letting go of someone you love is facing what has happened, accepting that you can not change it and then moving on. Once you are able to move on and appreciate the growth that came from the relationship, better opportunities will present themselves. You will have successfully learned how to let go of someone you love and can begin writing your new story.
Comments